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Women's Turn to Call the Shots
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- Published on Sunday, 08 July 2007 23:55
The singing gets louder as they approach a well-fenced homestead, where it is obvious their arrival is awaited, as groups of ululating women emerge from the houses in the compound to receive them. There is a joyous atmosphere all round. Two sturdy young men hurriedly open the gate to let the early evening visitors in, but they are in for a shock: the visitors refuse to enter. Instead, they put down their gourds and baskets in a circular pattern, then bow and stand still. They look at the women who have come to the gate to receive them, not saying a word.
The hosts stare back briefly before an elderly woman breaks away from among them, scans the visitors' faces and presents a beautifully beaded walking stick (enyimbo) to one of them. The two hug and refer to each other as korera (which is how the parents of a married couple refer to each other) as all the other women cheer. The traditional tune is repeated, then some more ululation.
The visitors have come to the home of Mr Naftali Onwong'a for ekereero, a mother's official visit to her married daughter's home. It is a significant ceremony conducted only for daughters whose bride price has been fully paid. Ekereero also doubles up as a special visit by a maternal grandmother to her daughter's children but perhaps the most important significance of this ceremony is that it confirms that a man has bought his wife's burial ground.
On this sunny day, Onwong'a, a teacher at Ibinu Secondary School in Nyaribari Chache, Kisii Central district is the man on the spot. He is hosting his mother-in-law, Elizabeth Kwamboka, who has come from Moturumesi village in Kitutu Masaba of Nyamira district, some 20 kilometres away.
In line with tradition, Kwamboka is accompanied by a group of trusted women colleagues, each of whom has at least one married daughter. It is believed that this prevents jealously, which can lead to unpleasantness.
In a typical situation, a woman going for an ekereero is accompanied, not just by her trusted friends, but also her daughters and grand-daughters. It is strictly a women only affair.
Indeed, this writer was almost ejected, until a sympathiser explained the purpose of his visit.
Although most ceremonies among the Abagusii are dominated by men, ekereero is one ceremony where women call the shots and freely air their views on matters relating to marriage.
According to 85-year-old Clemencia Kerubo, the ceremony has been held among the Abagusii since time immemorial. "As a people who respect the institution of marriage, Kisii parents are obliged to bless their newly married children" says Mama Kerubo. She maintains that bride price is a must, but hastens to add it need not be "a lot of things".
Ekereero is the one ceremony any self-respecting man would love to host. In fact, men compete to hold it first. A loudmouth at a beer drinking den is quickly silenced when reminded: "You have never even held an ekereero! "
Because of the intricacies involved, many men die before hosting their mothers-in-law. However, the sooner it is held after a marriage, the better. This is because it guarantees blessings from the families of the newly-weds.
It is a confirmation that the newly married woman did not run away from her home and thus signifies that her family has officially handed her over to her husband's family.
And for the husband's family, the ceremony confirms that their daughter-in-law is respected where she comes from, and is not a riting'e (somebody's wife).
Perhaps the greatest feature of this visit is the expression of respect, as evidenced by the protocol observed during the occasion. First, on the day a woman is to undertake ekereero, she must prepare and send lunch for her son-in-law's family. The special foods, which include include fermented milk, ugali made from millet flour (Obokima bwa bori) and two gourds of busaa (this is being increasingly replaced with two crates of soda), is dispatched to her korera's home by an advance party of about four women.
"This ugali must be put in an ekee (a traditional container) and covered with leaves of Omonyaboga (a large indigenous plant) or ememiso," explains Mama Elizabeth Kwamboka, 74. This is because its broad leaves keep the meal hot during the journey. These items should reach the korera's home soon after midday.
When the mother-in-law and her entourage arrive in the evening, they normally carry 10 gourds of busaa and/or fermented milk, 10 kilogrammes of sugar, some tea leaves and/or cocoa, and gifts of clothing for their hosts. Except for the clothes, the hosts receive the other items as the visitors are allowed in.
The clothes are reserved for a special, late night ceremony, during which the two parties exchange gifts. This is the climax of the visit. During the ceremony, the visitors first present their gifts to their hosts, starting with the son-in-law's mother, then his children, nephews and nieces. Since it is a day when women are in control, girls receive their gifts before their brothers.
Thereafter, each of the hostess korera's friends present is given a khanga, followed by the newly married woman. Finally, her husband and his uncle, and then his father are called to receive their gifts - normally a shirt nowadays, after which their presence is no longer required.
After this exercise, the hosts reciprocate, starting with the newly-married woman's mother, who usually gets a dress, a sweater and a lesso. The other members of her entourage each get a khanga. The exchange of gifts over, the women sing and dance throughout the night.
The following day, the visitors are shown around the homestead and farm. This exercise is known as komenya o mucii (familiarisation with the home). It takes place until noon, when they are served lunch, which must comprise ugali, roast meat, sour milk and riinagu vegetables.
After that, an open-air meeting is held, where respected village elders are allowed to speak. First to address the women is the Onwong'a's father. The koreras counsel the young people on how to live before the visiting korera moves a vote of thanks. She and her entourage must leave before four o'clock.
With the ekereero over, Onwong'a is now a confident man. The conclusion of the ekereero means he has bought his wife's burial ground. Says Onwong'a: "Even if we get a separation, Asenath (Bosibori) will be buried in my home." Divorce is out of the question after this ceremony.
Ekereero is a study in how Abagusii in-laws treat each other. It is based on the fundamental belief within the community that respect is fundamental in cementing the relationship between the families of the newly-weds.
But isn't this "ritual" losing relevance in modern society?
"It cannot," says 55-year-old Lucy Kemunto passionately. "Parental blessings cannot lose meaning even in contemporary society." Respect between in-laws is always paramount for any marriage to have strong roots. All women want to be accepted by their husbands' families. This is what ekereero is all about," she explains.
Like any festive event, the fanfare and splendour that goes with an ekereero depends on the financial capabilities of a newly married woman's family; although the financial standing of the man's family might not come directly into play, the amount of bride price paid for the girl often determines how her family comes visiting. But all this notwithstanding, the man's family does everything within its means to ensure a successful kugenia (hosting).
Today, it may not be appropriate for women to celebrate by drinking busaa, but sodas are an appropriate alternative" says Mama Teresiah Moraa. However, there are some traditional items and practices that are still relevant.
They trudge up the hill, negotiate a sharp bend and stride up yet another hill, before finally strolling down the river valley. Grounds and large baskets, full to capacity, rest steadily on top of their heads. Waters of the all season river meander over the sharp rocks. They cross one after another.
"A strictly women affair, its odd for men to participate in the ceremony This writer was almost barred from attending the proceedings.
